© Ricardo Santos Luís
welcome back here. However you found my blog, one thing safe to say that you just didn´t stumbled over it. This blog - my experiment - is frankly said too tiny to find me through an accident or unspecific search for surf blogs for girls. And you know what, that´s totally fine for me!
Guess the person who is reading this is actually my Mum ( hello <3) or one of the persons how is following one of my social media sites and saw an update somewhere. And now I can start with the actual blogpost.
One thing first. The Internet is one of the greatest inventions ever if you just look at the positive sites! It´s a huge mess of creating connecting, creativity and global spirit. It makes us rule the world. But with this great opportunity to use all those popular tools - instagram, snapchat, facebook for communitation or pinterest, twitter, tumblr and youtube for creativity and entertainment- your own spirit and creativity can get lost.
How often do I catch myself with the thought "Julia, you should post something" while the voice of my inner sanity says "it´s just instagram, it´s not important in your life" And to view it from the outside, no it´s absolutely not important. But somehow there is this strange need to be present in this mad cosmos of showmanship. And why? Because everybody does it! Why? Because our humanity is linked to acknowledgement and admiraton from other humans. I want to be seen as creative, intelligent, caring and a person with which you wanna be friends. But this is fake, because I am also a person with bad mood, unpatience, laziness and so much more things you normally don´t tell anybody at first sight.
And even those people who tell their audience they are `real` are just showing splinters of their personality. I know all of this, yes. But I also ignore it oh so often. I see all those perfect pictures of perfect moments in perfect lives. I know it´s fake but my brain is exploding. First I get those impacts on my creativity. I see inspiring things and I immediately want to do something with my life. i´m creating projects, things to do, daydreams and goals I want to reach.
The next thing I feel is resignation.`I´ll never be good enough in surfing, photography, painting, blablabla. Also with the thoughts of ´I´m not good enough in anything.´ The final step is desperation: "I´m bad, I´m useless" and "I´m a nobody, no one is interested in my life" - During this phase I hate myself the most and do everyone of my friends and family an injustice, because I accuse everyone with a lack of interest in my person. As if. Also I stay in my room for hours -sometimes days and all I do is hating myself for being not as perfect as I want to be and drowning in self-pity. This is a short, but also honest view on my moods.
But how crazy is this? How can a programm/social media platform and the society using it get so manipulated in their feelings and true purposes. Nobody likes a liar. But we all are somehow. Nobody likes a narcissist, but we all are. It´s hard to believe in yourself as a normal human being, a complete average person, if there is always someone how seems to be better than you. It´s hard to be pleased with your own life, if there is somebody who seems to have a better life. I can take myself as a good example for this case. Really often people - strangers, but also friends - tell me how jealous they are. Jealous that I live near the ocean, that I´m always at the beach or surfing. And yes, I understand them, because the image I created in my feed is exactly this of a "Living life to the fullest-Julia", because it´s a part of my life. But other parts of my life, my work for example, my depressed thoughts and bad moods, my family story, all my daily-life problems are filtered.
Don´t get me wrong, I love social media and I still don't think it´s a bad thing, but only if you don't give this digital stuff too much room in your life! Especially if you don´t do a living out of it. I for myself switched off all the notifications of my social media apps, so my phone is easier to handle because it stays silent and I can decide if and when I want to check the apps. Once I had a rule that I have to upload one post per day, everyday. I also don´t do this anymore. In the beginning the rule was helping me with my creativity, creating pitures and having ideas and in the end I felt stressed because I "had to upload". Now I don´t care. Same for Instastories. Maybe there will be a time where I am more active again, but at the moment I concentrate on my life and my work. With this kind of balance and "doesn´t matter"-attitude I feel safe and sound and have a lot of fun. And even though the internet world and social media - exceedingly instagram - is not real, I still met a lot of amazing and inspiring real people behind their photo feeds and I am very grateful for that!